Some people live with the illusion that the choices and decisions they make only affect them, because it's their life and their body.
This is so far from the truth!
These pictures are old, this was a weekend in March of 2008. Darrell and I flew to San Antonio to bring his nephews to live with us while his younger sister, Danielle went into rehab, and her husband Josh needed to find work and get their home cleaned up- it was really gross and I won't post the pictures of it.
These boys had suffered so much, but were the sweetest things. I won't lie- it was hard though! Over night Darrell and I went from 3 kids to 5, Lexi was 7, Ashlee was 6, Caleb was 5, Chase was 4, and Carly was 3.
Easter 2008
The boys lived a very different life than my girls did. They weren't used to structure and they weren't used to discipline. They were used to playing video games at all hours of the night, and just kind of taking care of themselves. It was hard to break those habits. They were used to physical punishment, and in our home we don't hardly spank, we use time outs and vinegar in the mouth for bad words or sassy mouths. We got them enrolled in school, and swim lessons. Chase had been on medication for ADHD, but seemed over medicated- he was always in a trance. I slowly weaned him off the medication so we could start at square one to figure out just what he needed. He had impulse control issues, and seemed to struggle learning certain subjects in school, but was amazing at math. I wondered if he had a learning disability, or some sort of special needs- or was it just ADHD? It's really hard to try and figure it all out! They lived with us almost 3 months, and I can honestly say they were incredibly hard months, but we were incredibly blessed through it. We had help from friends that donated beds, bedding, clothing, money, and even toys.
Over the next few years Danielle had a daughter- Chloe who is 6 months older than Baylee. Danielle and Josh marriage got worse and worse, lots of drugs and domestic abuse happening- they both abused each other. They moved back to Las Vegas and things continued to get worse. My mother- in- law ended up taking the kids for almost 9 months because both parents were seen as unfit. Josh got the kids back, and he and Danielle divorced. Danielle has never known how to cope with the stresses of life, it was easier to let the drugs give her an escape. I know it sounds mean and callous but it's the truth. That's what drugs do, they give a temporary escape.
Josh has the kids now, things are hard- the kids have an incredibly hard and sad life. Danielle was gone, we hadn't heard anything from her in almost 3 years. Losing her kids was just too much, and once they were gone there was nothing to keep her around- she just needed to escape.
We took the kids with us to Disneyland for Christmas in 2014, it was so good to spend a week with them and get to know them again. I think at first it was uncomfortable for everyone because it had been a while since we had seen them- living far away is not easy! My mother- in- law bought them tickets as their Christmas gifts and they were able to spend the week with all of their cousins, aunts, and uncles.
Chase
Chloe
Chloe and Baylee were fast friends
First day at Disneyland
Almost the whole family
Everyone (except a few of the married cousins and their kids)
Caleb and Chase waiting in line
My heart aches for them- they were with us and they could tell their life was completely different than their entire families. But the only thing we can do is try and keep contact with them, which isn't easy at all. I also am working on a book of pictures for them with quotes of family, so they know they have people who care about them and love them no matter what.
Danielle is in jail now, all of our prayers were answered. My mother- in- law went in to visit her and took her pictures of the kids so she would remember that her kids love her and miss her.
The emotions that went through me hearing Danielle was in jail were joy/ relief/ sadness all in one. I don't know what will happen now. She said she can get out of jail on house arrest if she lived with her mom. As much as I want to help her and have a relationship with her, I'm nervous about this.. In order for there to be change you have to change. How do any of us know if Danielle is ready to really get the help she needs? How do you know when to give not a second chance, but more like a one hundred and second chance for her to change. I love her and miss her! She is my little sister (I only have a little brother on my side of the family so I was excited to get a younger sister when D and I got married!) and I want her to have a good life, to see what life can give her. To see her recovered and have her kids back in her life. I can't make these changes, my husband can't make these changes, my mother- in-law can't make these changes for Danielle, she has to do it and want it.
This is why I get upset when someone says it's their body and they can do what they want. Yes, it is their body- but when you make choices like drugs, alcohol, and sex they can definitely affect someone else's life. It's like throwing a pebble in a pond. Danielle made some rough choices, in the beginning it seemed to only affect her. But as she had babies and the addiction got worse the people who were affected by her choices grew in number. Her choices have affected her children's lives, her ex husbands life, her mom's life, my life, my husbands life, my children's life, and everyone else in our family- each of us have been affected by her choices. Each of us love her, but each of us are very scared to let her back into our lives.
These boys had suffered so much, but were the sweetest things. I won't lie- it was hard though! Over night Darrell and I went from 3 kids to 5, Lexi was 7, Ashlee was 6, Caleb was 5, Chase was 4, and Carly was 3.
The boys lived a very different life than my girls did. They weren't used to structure and they weren't used to discipline. They were used to playing video games at all hours of the night, and just kind of taking care of themselves. It was hard to break those habits. They were used to physical punishment, and in our home we don't hardly spank, we use time outs and vinegar in the mouth for bad words or sassy mouths. We got them enrolled in school, and swim lessons. Chase had been on medication for ADHD, but seemed over medicated- he was always in a trance. I slowly weaned him off the medication so we could start at square one to figure out just what he needed. He had impulse control issues, and seemed to struggle learning certain subjects in school, but was amazing at math. I wondered if he had a learning disability, or some sort of special needs- or was it just ADHD? It's really hard to try and figure it all out! They lived with us almost 3 months, and I can honestly say they were incredibly hard months, but we were incredibly blessed through it. We had help from friends that donated beds, bedding, clothing, money, and even toys.
Over the next few years Danielle had a daughter- Chloe who is 6 months older than Baylee. Danielle and Josh marriage got worse and worse, lots of drugs and domestic abuse happening- they both abused each other. They moved back to Las Vegas and things continued to get worse. My mother- in- law ended up taking the kids for almost 9 months because both parents were seen as unfit. Josh got the kids back, and he and Danielle divorced. Danielle has never known how to cope with the stresses of life, it was easier to let the drugs give her an escape. I know it sounds mean and callous but it's the truth. That's what drugs do, they give a temporary escape.
Josh has the kids now, things are hard- the kids have an incredibly hard and sad life. Danielle was gone, we hadn't heard anything from her in almost 3 years. Losing her kids was just too much, and once they were gone there was nothing to keep her around- she just needed to escape.
We took the kids with us to Disneyland for Christmas in 2014, it was so good to spend a week with them and get to know them again. I think at first it was uncomfortable for everyone because it had been a while since we had seen them- living far away is not easy! My mother- in- law bought them tickets as their Christmas gifts and they were able to spend the week with all of their cousins, aunts, and uncles.
 |
| Caleb |
 | |
| Caleb Chase and Chloe |
Danielle is in jail now, all of our prayers were answered. My mother- in- law went in to visit her and took her pictures of the kids so she would remember that her kids love her and miss her.
The emotions that went through me hearing Danielle was in jail were joy/ relief/ sadness all in one. I don't know what will happen now. She said she can get out of jail on house arrest if she lived with her mom. As much as I want to help her and have a relationship with her, I'm nervous about this.. In order for there to be change you have to change. How do any of us know if Danielle is ready to really get the help she needs? How do you know when to give not a second chance, but more like a one hundred and second chance for her to change. I love her and miss her! She is my little sister (I only have a little brother on my side of the family so I was excited to get a younger sister when D and I got married!) and I want her to have a good life, to see what life can give her. To see her recovered and have her kids back in her life. I can't make these changes, my husband can't make these changes, my mother- in-law can't make these changes for Danielle, she has to do it and want it.
This is why I get upset when someone says it's their body and they can do what they want. Yes, it is their body- but when you make choices like drugs, alcohol, and sex they can definitely affect someone else's life. It's like throwing a pebble in a pond. Danielle made some rough choices, in the beginning it seemed to only affect her. But as she had babies and the addiction got worse the people who were affected by her choices grew in number. Her choices have affected her children's lives, her ex husbands life, her mom's life, my life, my husbands life, my children's life, and everyone else in our family- each of us have been affected by her choices. Each of us love her, but each of us are very scared to let her back into our lives.
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